6 Steps to repair your relationship with yourself

Have you ever given any thought to the relationship you have with yourself? Is that even a thing? Surely thinking about yourself is a sign of conceit and haven't we all been taught forever how wrong it is to be conceited ?

However, self love is nothing even close to conceit. Self love is an act of acknowledgement. Acknowledging how we are important, we are not invisible and when the rest of the world is crashing down around us we must learn to be mindful of ourselves, to pay attention to our own needs and to appreciate ourselves.

It is strange how we find it so easy to criticise or berate ourselves for doing something that we think is stupid, yet to acknowledge our own beauty or our appeal is so difficult. We can scream "I Hate You" but to say "I Love You" seems to be so difficult.

Our relationship with ourselves seems to be the one we neglect the most. When was the last time you had a date with yourself? Even a coffee alone? or even simply time to reflect on how you are feeling, we appear to recoil from that, yet we do so much for everyone else.

The question now has to be, how do we repair the relationship that we have with ourselves? What changes must we make, perhaps in some cases no repair is needed , if that is you, you should be so proud of putting yourself first.

There should be no shame in carving time for ourselves, prioritising us time is important and in doing so we are taking care of ourselves so that we are better prepared to take care of those around us.

Step 1 - Atonement

If you have ever spoke out of turn or unnecessarily to another what is your first reaction on realisation of your negativity? I would assume most rational people would apologise. Yet no matter how we treat ourselves we never apologise. We don't apologise for bullying ourselves, we don't apologise for not keeping those promises of exercise, we don't apologise for not taking our health seriously, we never apologise for forgetting to say I love you.

Can you imagine not telling your child or partner that you love them? So why do we lack so much respect for ourselves? It is not silly to be sorry for what we have neglected to do for ourselves. Today is the day that we take back control and begin the process of treating ourselves with dignity, to be mindful of the words we use to talk to ourselves and how we describe ourselves to others. Perhaps today is not only a day for gratitude journaling, perhaps we should begin a process of apology journaling, remembering to apologise to ourselves for any negative talk we participated in today.

Step 2- Forgiveness

How easy do you find forgiving others ? Is it simply a turn of phrase or do you feel the freedom of letting go, releasing the anguish that you have been harbouring for whatever reason? It should be no different when we consider forgiving ourselves. We must learn to set ourselves free, to release the resentment that we may feel for mistakes we have made, for all of those bad decisions or loves lost due to our own actions. No one is perfect not even you, acknowledging our flaws is a way to grow and learn from the lessons that we have been taught.

We can take the responsibility for our own actions, accept what has happened and treat ourselves with kindness as we forgive and move forward with the knowledge of how we want our lives to be in the future.

Step 3- Teach

We must teach ourselves all of the values that serve us. We must unlearn all that we have learned about how to treat ourselves, all the old rules that no longer serve us. What do you need to know about you? fall in love with yourself, what are all the things that you hope to get from your partner or prospective partner? Do you need to wait for their validation? Of course not.

Create those moments for yourself. This is not a selfish act it is simply an act of appreciation for all that you are. No one can know more than you what your dreams and desires are. We do not have to wait for someone else to make them our reality. We have the ability, the knowledge and the resources to teach ourselves all that we need to know on the journey of self healing.

Step 4 - Learn

Learn about you. This may sound a little strange to hear but we all must learn about ourselves. Take the time to pay attention to yourself. What is your body , mind and soul craving? When was the last time you gave it what it wanted rather than what someone else told you it wanted?

We are all individuals and each of us very uniquely different. I am not an expert. only you are the expert of you. That feeling when you feel a little off but you can't quite explain it- only you have that answer, take the time to listen, pay attention. Sometimes meditation can be a great healer, the simplest act of breathing and paying attention to the feelings from within is what we really need. Our lives are so busy and consumed with hustle, sometimes quiet and no distractions are what we really need to learn the most form ourselves.

Step 5 - Evaluate

If you truly want to repair your relationship with yourself, it is time to evaluate where you are and where you would like to be. As with any relationship sometimes we need to step back , and look through a different lense. What areas in your life could you be more respectful of? What or who in your life is draining your energy?

Now is the time to create an action plan. Evaluate how your life is currently and take the steps and learn how you can change that. Perhaps you need to set new boundaries with your loved ones to give yourself some well earned you time, or perhaps more attention is needed on that healthy eating plan, perhaps more time needs to be carved out for reading or meditation. Whatever your thing is take the action, begin building your new relationship with yourself.

Step 6 - Habits

We are all creatures of habit. Our current habits are what create the personalities that we are today. If we are not happy with the relationship we have with ourselves currently then perhaps now is a good time to change those habits. Please do not try to change everything right now. It is important to make small gradual changes . One small habit change perhaps even weekly is all that is necessary.

For me journaling is the greatest tool for working out where I am and where I want to be with all my relationships in fact I guess with almost all areas that I want to improve in my life, perhaps it could help you too- if you would like any advice on journaling - drop me an email or comment below.

I hope I have given you some useful tips on repairing your relationship with yourself.

xx Lei

THE HARDEST CHALLENGE IS TO BE YOURSELF IN A WORLD WHERE EVERYONE IS TRYING TO MAKE YOU BE SOMEBODY ELSE - Anon