8 Secrets To Finding You Again

Reading about midlife, menopause and changes that we inevitably go through as we reach the fabulous fifty + milestones leave me feeling a little overwhelmed, they always talk about women who are now single, be it through divorce, death or choice, but what of those of us who are still married? What of us who are not completely content with where we are in life but still unsure of who we are, what we want from life or even how to get it? I know for a fact that I am not the only women in that bracket.

We go through our adult lives trying to find balance between relationships, work, social life and family, always thinking that when we get older we will be able to enjoy the labours of our love and life, yet here we are, and I'm still waiting for that magical lightning bolt to supercharge my life and show me the fairytale life that I have been expecting, but the reality is that the fairytale happens only when we take charge and plan the life that we want.

We have spent so much of our lives organising and giving to others that somewhere along the lines we forgot about who we are, what we want or even that we have choices.

Now is the time to remember those thoughts, dreams and desires. Now is the time to recapture the fantasies the we were not afraid to have in our younger years. No matter our relationship status, now is that time to rediscover who we are, what we want and with whom and make every day a new day, a new step forward towards the dream that we desire when we close our eyes.

How do we get there? Why should we bother? The first question we must ask of ourselves is - Are we happy with how our lives are currently? If the answer is yes then there is no need for you to read further. If however on the other hand you are saying no or even a little doubtful then welcome to my secrets of finding you and your desire to be all that you can be.

Rediscover Your Favourites

What's your favourite colour ? What's your favourite food? What's your favourite movie ? Your favourite song? Do you remember? Are you asking yourself right now, "Did I ever have favourites?" The answer is yes you did and you didn't need anyone to tell you what they were. Your favourites have probably changed over the years and perhaps your taste in many things has also, but we need to stop pretending that other people's favourites are ours just so that we can avoid an argument. Close your eyes and permit yourself to remember all the things you love and fall in love with them again.

Aeroplane Mode

Distractions come in many forms. Learning to focus on ourselves is a skill that we must relearn. We have spent so much of our lives focusing on the needs and dreams of others that we have forgotten how to focus on ourselves. The biggest distraction for me is definitely my mobile phone. When I need some well deserved me time, even if it is only for an hour or thirty minutes, I hit the aeroplane mode, that way I can truly dedicate the time to me.

Halt The Multitasking

How many tasks do we try to do all at once? I know personally I am still answering calls, sending emails, vacuuming and barking requests at staff and children all while my mind is thinking of my next great idea, all that this means is that I am not focusing on any one of these tasks properly , each of them is getting a little of my attention, this is ludicrous. We must learn to train our brains to focus solely on one task at a time. Not only is this so much more productive but it is also so much less exhaustive.

Challenge Your Fears

What holds you back from creating the life you dream of? What are you afraid of? Perhaps we are not as adventurous as we once were. Sitting back in our own comfort zone is what got us to the place that we currently reside. What if we uncover just one of our fears and challenge it? Imagine if that gave us even a tiny step in the direction of the life we desire. As Albert Einstein said, " we cannot continue to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result." Perhaps today is the day to make just one tiny change as an experiment to see how our life might change.

Hello Nature

Finding ourselves overwhelmed by the needs of others and the multiplying list of chores and jobs that just must be done, today, this week or even this month can sometimes leave us physically exhausted and breathless just thinking about them. It is time to carve a little time in our day to get outside. A thirty minute walk in the fresh air no matter the weather can have incredible consequences for our mental health. Nature is recognised as having the ability to lower stress levels and restoring our emotional well being. Getting outdoors gives us back some of our perspective on what is more important and gives us space to prioritise the important things in life.

Journal With Me

Thinking on paper- when our minds are so full of the daily hustle of life, the exhaustive thoughts of why this or that, the endless lists of things to remember, journaling can be the perfect companion to declutter our mind and express our feelings and escape to a place that frees us to explore places we want to go without any prejudice or confrontation from anyone else.

Optimise Self Care

We must remember the significance of self care, after all if we don't care for ourselves how can we expect to be able to care for those around us? Self care is one of those phrases that seems to be very popular right now but in reality it equates to us recharging our batteries, taking time to relax, taking time to appreciate ourselves for the wonderful ladies that we are. It is a time to celebrate and congratulate ourselves for all that we bring to the table emotionally, physically and spiritually. When we take care of ourselves we boost our abilities to have more self confidence and better relationships with those around us.

Self Love

Self love is not the same as self care. When was the last time you looked in the mirror and said " I Love You ?" We are so quick to say "I hate you." " Why are you such an idiot?" "How stupid are you?" and some how all of the above we think is acceptable, yet love , compassion and possitivity towards ourselves seems to be such a difficult thing to do. Perhaps now is the time to fall in love with ourselves. To acknowledge how wonderful we actually are and to praise ourselves for all of our own achievements, even those achievements that everyone else missed. The Valentines day that went unnoticed, the dinner that took all day to prepare, the birthday celebration that you single handendly organised. Go buy yourself the flowers, the chocolate or the jewellery, you are worth it.

XX Lei

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT FINDING YOURSELF- LIFE IS ABOUT CREATING YOURSELF - GEORGE BERNARD SHAW