Confidence to Obedience

This picture is a reminder of who I was. The independant, confident teen. The strong young woman who was not going to be tied down in life. The young woman who had big plans, dreams and desires that others may have found unrealistic and out of reach. The dreamer in me had designs on a career in travel and writing, exploring the world and making my story up as I went along. I was not tied in my mind by lack of education, resources or finances, that was my ambition and the how was not important.

When I look in the mirror that is not who I see. Where did she go? How did I become this version of me and is it possible to find her or has she been lost in the transferance of time? The answer is clear . I became who I am today, because instead of following the path that my heart desired, I made different choices and I turned different corners.

I permitted myself to become the person that others decided I should be. I became the story that they saw me as. The character that was fitting in with their version. I am not a victim in any way shape or form, I did however trade my self confidence and belief in myself for an easier option, I chose to please others and follow their dreams, I replaced my travel and adventure for a life of family and obedience.

There is a lesson here and it is very simple, many people in our lives have varying opinions of who we are, and that is fine. We do not have to become that version of ourselves. We must strive to become and stay our true selves. We must attempt to be the person that we are and not let others push their agenda onto us.

If they are not happy with who we are, then perhaps we are not their person, if we do not align with the qualities that they are seeking in another then perhaps we are not as compatible as we once thought we were. If this is the case it seems that the best option is to set them free to find that connection with someone else.

Our compatible relationships should be with people we feel comfortable with. The people who do not want us to change. Those that love us simply because of who we are. They are our people.

Why must we try to fit into someone elses idea of what is correct? We are all uniquely different people. We are called individuals for a reason. We are individual. We all have different traits you may see them as flaws, I see them as charachteristics. No matter which way you flip that coin, you are not a perfect match for everyone, just as not everyone is a perfect match for me.

Every day I am learning to embrace the image that smiles back from the mirror, as my fledglings leave my nest one by one I am reminded of the dreams and desires that I have not yet fulfilled. As I watch them on their journey in life I am reminded of how different their adventure is compared to mine. I am not regretful of the journey I have travelled , or of the experiences I have had a long the way , I do however often wonder what my younger self would make of my choices thus far, would she be proud or would she think that I chose obedience over passion?

Perhaps my next chapter in life will be a new adventure and I can fulfill some of the dreams that my younger self would be proud of , I hope that I can find my confidence once again to sail into midlife rather than slip in behind the crowd . It is time for me to be the trailblazer not the sheep that follows the leader. This is my life , time to make it memorable. We're here for a good time not a long time.

xx Lei

DON'T BE AFRAID TO START OVER. THIS TIME YOU AREN'T STARTING FROM SCRATCH. YOU'RE STARTING FROM EXPERIENCE. - Notsalmon.com