DO WE EVER REALLY LISTEN TO ONE ANOTHER?

It is almost the anniversary of my Mother's passing. I thought I knew her. It turns out that I learned more about her as a woman after her passing than I ever did when I had the opportunity to talk to her. She knew me for all of my 49 years, yet I only knew her for 49 of her 69 years.

I'm pretty sure like me you think you know your mother. We place them on these high pedestals and we think they are perfect or they should be - they raised us , they taught us right from wrong and a whole host of things we think are useless. We expect more from them than they do of us. Although we know they can not be here forever, somehow subconsciously we think they will. I mean - how dare they leave us - right ?

It is not until we accept that first and foremost, they are women. They have feelings, emotions, needs, insecurities and vulnerabilities like you and I. They have this ability to keep it under wraps. Hidden from us to protect us. Never once giving into their emotions so that we can think of them as some kind of super heros.

Without a doubt my Mother was a very emotional woman. I'd say she was a very anxious woman, yet she was the strongest woman I know. She sacrificed a lot and that is a debt I can never repay her.

Until this point in my life I thought my Mother had this amazing life. Never needed to pay a bill, or worry about money, travelled the world , saw amazing concerts, had a truly 5* lifestyle, yet remained humble. Never lived beyond her means. Attended church regularly and was grateful for every day God gave her .

To me through my eyes - she had it all. Her life was charmed thanks to her second husband. In the last few months maybe 6-12 months, I suddenly realised or at least thought - what if she wasn't happy? She was certainly grateful for all she had.

However, was that enough? Who ever stopped to ask her what she wanted? She saw spectacular places all over the world, but did any of us actually ask her where she wanted to go? I don't remember that conversation nor do I remember her challenging the trips she had.

She worked hard for our family and was always on call. I never once remember her not being available, unless she was travelling. I didn't appreciate that enough. Did any of us ask if she was fine with this role that had been thrust upon her? If she complained did any of us listen?

She had dreams and goals and expectations in life, but she considered motherhood, family and being a wife her role, a lot of her dreams were unfulfilled. Did any of us pay attention to those dreams? No, we were all following our own, she was the enabler of that.

My Mother was not the angel these words paint her as. She could fight as hard as she loved and very often we did. She could hold a grudge like a champion. That does not take away from the fact that we expected her to be a Mother first and a woman second, in my opinion that was wrong. I have no doubt that we - those who love her most did not listen to her.

Please do not make this mistake. Listen. Speak up for your dreams. Remind those you love that you are a woman who fills many roles.

You are beautiful - you are unique - you are significant- Live life to the fullest every day.

xx Lei

SPEAK IN SUCH A WAY THAT OTHERS LOVE TO LISTEN TO YOU. LISTEN IN SUCH A WAY THAT OTHERS LOVE TO SPEAK TO YOU - Anon