Forgiveness

Have you ever considered how powerful forgiveness is ?

What even is forgiveness? And more importantly why do we give it so much power? Saying sorry is not forgiveness, it is a word that we use way too easily without giving it any real thought, but true forgiveness is much deeper and so much more difficult to give.

The oxford dictionary says-

Forgiveness - the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven.

However psychologists define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.

Who is the forgiveness for ? Is it for the victim or for the perpetrator?

My personal view has changed over the years and as a younger woman I always thought that we were forgiving the perpetrator for whatever wrong they had committed, that we were freeing them form their guilt and indeed that this was why so many found it difficult to forgive, We felt that, how could we forgive such things as murder, infidelity or abuse. I often found myself judging those that did, watching news reports of parents who forgave the person who caused the death of a child, I could never comprehend such an act. Why should we let them be free of what they ( the perpetrator) did to another person.

As I have matured in years and mind, I have come to realize that forgiveness does not release them, they must live for eternity with the guilt and pain that they have inflicted, forgiveness is for us, we are not victims we are survivors.

When we forgive we release the burden of our own pain. We release the hate, the feeling of being the victim, we are freed from the hurt because we have released ourselves form the chain that choked us.

The longer that we hold onto that hurt and anger the more it controls us, changes our personality, eats away at our inner self. Forgiveness frees us from the bitterness.

We do not always get the opportunity to forgive those who we feel have wronged us face to face, some pass away, some move on, some no longer want contact with us , however it is still possible to forgive. Write them a letter of forgiveness, they don't ever have to see it, but the relief and release of that pressure will relieve you from the feelings of discontent.

Perhaps it's not another person, perhaps you find it difficult to forgive yourself for something you have done, this exercise is just as effective for self forgiveness

The Bible explains it as forgiveness is not forgetting, it is letting go of the pain the incident is causing us.

So perhaps its time to let go.

xx Lei

IF WE REALLY WANT TO LOVE WE MUST LEARN TO FORGIVE - Mother Theresa