How are you showing up for yourself today?

I don't know how many times I have heard that exact same phrase. Actually I have heard the same person say the same phrase on the exact same podcast multiple times and each time, I think its a great podcast but thats as far as it goes, onto the next episode.

However that is not how this revelation was today, because today in-fact this weekend has been reflection time. Not on the past weeks events or the last quarter not even the last year or work or family or goals. This has been a me reflection.

I fancied a new hairstyle and I remember my younger self having one that I liked and it was at the beginning of what I call my transformation years. So while trawling through the many pics stored in various locations on the hunt for that one pic that I had in mind, I was faced with many other not so inspiring pics of phases of my life that I have journeyed through.

That journey brought me here, because I suddenly realised whilst looking at these various versions of myself that I had not been showing up as the woman I wanted to be.

I had certainly taken on many different roles, but many of the expectations in those various roles were not the expectations that I had for myself as a child. I had allowed myself to be carried by the current of dreams and desires of others. I was good at being the daughter my mother wanted, at least I tried very hard to measure up to the high expectations that she had of me. I was a good wife, I honoured and obeyed the change of rules and expectations that my husband had of life. I did my best to be a great mother and be the multi - task - manager for the needs of my children, I am a forever learning business owner and employer and I try to fulfil all the requests of staff and clients alike in an industry not very welcoming to female managers, yet I feel blessed to have inherited my position and I certainly have earned it .

Yet none of these roles describe me. None of these roles feel like they fulfilled the idea that I had as a young girl of what my life would be. So who am I showing up as?

The answer is simple, I have been showing up as the woman that everyone else expects me to be, but that is not loving me. That is not taking responsibility for who I am destined to be, that is not looking within and acknowledging me and my dreams, my desires and my ambitions.

Way too often we stand on the cliff edge looking over but never jumping, not because we are afraid but because we are afraid of what others may think. Their judgement means more to us than our desire to explore the unknown. But what if jumping off the cliff, simply lands us on a lower ledge, a ledge full of new opportunities, new adventures, maybe even new relationships, don't we owe it to ourselves to look within and show up for ourselves?

Open ourselves up to greater ideas and opportunities. Believe in ourselves because our own opinions are the only ones that count, of course its good to have support and encouragement from those who care about us, but what of those who want to keep us in that little box because of their fears. Fear of losing us, or fear of what others might think if we become more successful.

I'm not suggesting that we must dive into the abyss immediately but we can surely begin to ask questions of ourselves. Time to explore what we want from this life and to show up not as the expected version but as our own expected version of ourselves.

xx Lei

Journal prompts of the day

• How am I showing up for myself today?

• What can I take control of that helps me to grow?

• what do I want from my life?

YOU ARE WHAT YOU BELIEVE YOURSELF TO BE - Paulo Coelho