Lessons learned spending time with my children.

When children are babies, we give them all our love and attention, constantly attending to their every need, protecting them from falls and trips and teaching them right from wrong. Sacrificing our time for them, putting them before everything without as much as a thought for ourselves and to be honest we don't actually see this as sacrifice at all.

As they become toddlers and find their independence we slowly release them into the world of the unknown, now being vigilant and watching from a distance. Our smothering maternal instinct is loosened just enough to let them grow, while we too grow as a parent. There is no rule book and no education on how to be a good Mother, only the lessons learned through experience and the instruction wanted or not from our own parents. The fun of growing our own brood never quite prepares us for the challenges that we face , nor the pride and celebrations we feel as each milestone is surpassed .

No one prepares us for the outpouring of love we feel for this little bundle of joy that wakes us when we should be sleeping, who we would die for just because we love them so much. We would do more for them than we would ever would for ourselves, they can be screaming their lungs out in agony and cause us such pain yet all it takes is one little smile from them and the world is a better place simply because they are in it.

From an early stage they teach us more than we think we are ever capable of. Love, understanding, patience, kindness, sharing, devotion and sacrifice. We take it for granted that these emotions are natural, yet for some we never felt it before so how can that be so? We think that we are teaching, when in actual fact it is quite the opposite, however we are so entangled in the web of running around like headless chickens providing for them, that we fail to recognize all that they have taught us. We are disciplining them, guiding them and motivating them to keep on the road to their destiny, as they grow so do we, but we don't have time to stop and acknowledge what they have given us.

As they progress from toddler to child and further to adolescent and young adult, we often loose the connection we once had. They are being transformed by peers and friendships that we are excluded from. Their focus is now on fitting in, just as we did at that stage in life, the little people who we had so many hopes, dreams and expectations of are now off and choosing pathways for themselves. We spend most of our time resisting their choices because as the parent we know they are not what we expected, they do not fit into our desire for them and simply allowing them to go on their own way would leave us feeling unfulfilled and perhaps even a failure as a parent because we know it is not sensible.

Yet as our little babies become young adults with thoughts and decisions of their own, if we took the time to sit with them, to listen to what they have to say, but truly listen without judgement it is incredible the insight they have into some of our personal challenges. While we are focusing on their grades and achievements and encouraging them to do better, we miss the opportunities to listen, to acknowledge how they perceive us. It has been my experience that they see us as no one else can. We are their parent but yet they see our pain, they see our struggles, they see our achievements and they notice who we are not as the people we are trying to subconsciously portray to the outside world but our true selves.

When we stop looking at them as our babies and begin to acknowledge the incredible individuals that we have helped to mold, we can not only feel proud of them but we can feel inspired by them. They become the teacher and we the student, if only we gave them the space to become that for us. They can teach us so much about the new era of technology of understanding of being all inclusive on some subjects that we don't fully understand at least not from their perspective. We ask them to respect us but do we truly give them the respect that they deserve? Respect is earned not given and it is not our place to take for granted that they should respect us just because they are our children, we too must not take that for granted.

In conclusion, it must be acknowledged that we don't have all of the answers, every day is a school day and when we embrace the fact that our children have a lot to learn but also have a lot to teach that we can once again connect with them on a higher level. Mutual respect for one another can be achieved if we learn to listen and be patient. if we learn to view their perspective from the eyes of the student and not the teacher, and if we can teach them to acknowledge that we teach from a place of love and encouragement not from a place of dominance and discipline, perhaps we can have the relationship with them that we really desire.

xx Lei

To be in your children's memories tomorrow you have to be in their lives today.- Barbara Johnson